Are you Listening and Hearing?
Today I am focused on Listening and Hearing. Marge Piercy said;" If you want to be listened to, you should put in time listening."
What does it mean to you? How do you listen? What are you doing while someone is talking to you? Do you allow others to complete their thought, or do you butt in and ,as it were, finish their thought for them? Do you cut people off mid- thought and interject your own idea or thought?
In the book "girlfriends" by Carmen Renee Berry and Tamara Traeder there is a chapter titled "Being heard." In it the authors share that in our most serious situations we can lighten the load when we have a truly good listener for a friend. One to whom we can tell all and know that our confidences will remain confident and also that we will be truley heard and thoughtfully responded to without the feeling that the friend has to solve our problem. By having a friend like this to bounce an idea off of you can clarify your mind and see it through the eyes of a separate person.
"Clarity and perspective are what we gain from our friends who hear us,really hear us, who take the time to stop other tasks and focus on what we are saying. How powerful that act is, and how powerfully even imagining a friend listening,... can affect us. High quality listening, even more so than high quality advice, can keep us grounded and help us listen to our own hearts, finding answers within ourselves."
Many years ago I spent several years studying with an Osage woman shaman. During that time I learned the art of listening and how to be in a conversation respectfully. She taught us all the lesson of the "Talking Stick." During lesson time we were not allowed to speak or argue or interject our own ideas, but had to simply sit quietly and listen. During some of these lesson stories one or more of us would be tested, sometimes to the maximum of our ability, so far, to keep quiet and wait till the end of the story to voice our thoughts. When the lesson story was finished we were given a chance to speak to the lesson but had to learn to wait our turn respectfull, giving our full attention to the one who had possesion of the "talking stick."
This was a piece of driftwood that had afixed to its top a beautiful crystal and was wrapped in coyote fur with beads and leather strips. After the person holding the stick was finished with her thoughts about the story and how it had affected her we all had to reflect on this response. Then if someone had a thought for the speaker that person would get the stick. If no one had a thought for the previous speaker then the next person in the circle would get a turn with the talking stick to speak to her thoughts and so on around the circle. Each person speaking was thoughtfully listened to and responded to and all confusion about the story was resolved. This exercise helped us all to learn just how disconnected we become while listening to another persons thoughts. How can we hope to be a good sounding board for our friend if we are mentally busy making grocery lists or worrying over our own trivia while they are talking?
Are you willing to allow a friend to pick up "the talking stick" and give her your full undivided attention?
Next time you are in a group gathering take some time to just listen to the surrounding conversations and listen for the good listeners.
Are you a good listener?
What does it mean to you? How do you listen? What are you doing while someone is talking to you? Do you allow others to complete their thought, or do you butt in and ,as it were, finish their thought for them? Do you cut people off mid- thought and interject your own idea or thought?
In the book "girlfriends" by Carmen Renee Berry and Tamara Traeder there is a chapter titled "Being heard." In it the authors share that in our most serious situations we can lighten the load when we have a truly good listener for a friend. One to whom we can tell all and know that our confidences will remain confident and also that we will be truley heard and thoughtfully responded to without the feeling that the friend has to solve our problem. By having a friend like this to bounce an idea off of you can clarify your mind and see it through the eyes of a separate person.
"Clarity and perspective are what we gain from our friends who hear us,really hear us, who take the time to stop other tasks and focus on what we are saying. How powerful that act is, and how powerfully even imagining a friend listening,... can affect us. High quality listening, even more so than high quality advice, can keep us grounded and help us listen to our own hearts, finding answers within ourselves."
Many years ago I spent several years studying with an Osage woman shaman. During that time I learned the art of listening and how to be in a conversation respectfully. She taught us all the lesson of the "Talking Stick." During lesson time we were not allowed to speak or argue or interject our own ideas, but had to simply sit quietly and listen. During some of these lesson stories one or more of us would be tested, sometimes to the maximum of our ability, so far, to keep quiet and wait till the end of the story to voice our thoughts. When the lesson story was finished we were given a chance to speak to the lesson but had to learn to wait our turn respectfull, giving our full attention to the one who had possesion of the "talking stick."
This was a piece of driftwood that had afixed to its top a beautiful crystal and was wrapped in coyote fur with beads and leather strips. After the person holding the stick was finished with her thoughts about the story and how it had affected her we all had to reflect on this response. Then if someone had a thought for the speaker that person would get the stick. If no one had a thought for the previous speaker then the next person in the circle would get a turn with the talking stick to speak to her thoughts and so on around the circle. Each person speaking was thoughtfully listened to and responded to and all confusion about the story was resolved. This exercise helped us all to learn just how disconnected we become while listening to another persons thoughts. How can we hope to be a good sounding board for our friend if we are mentally busy making grocery lists or worrying over our own trivia while they are talking?
Are you willing to allow a friend to pick up "the talking stick" and give her your full undivided attention?
Next time you are in a group gathering take some time to just listen to the surrounding conversations and listen for the good listeners.
Are you a good listener?
posted by Eileen | 9:44 AM
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