Mabel Barbee Lee Sketch 

On Making Old Age seem Beautiful and other things.

Back to my book discussion. "The Gardens in My Life." By Mabel Barbee Lee. As she gets along in age she shares some wonderful insight into getting old and how others see it. While talking with her daughter she said" I wish I knew how to make old age seem beautiful to you. All I know is what I have observed in others who have apparently found the secret. I have an inkling that it has to do with keeping the mind alive and interrested no matter how affected the body, and never letting the divine spark of self confidence die out....I suspect more than anything else it is the deepening understanding that often gentles the eyes of the aged and makes them more tolerant and forgiving of human foibles and their weaknesses. Grace, it seems to me, is a deepening virtue, never fully realised. It is a gradual warming of the heart toward others, no matter what the differences may be. It is kindness reaching out, not afraid to touch another, nor to become involved if needed.... Above all, it is the desire to help others as well as one's self and to accept with humility what cannot be helped.... It is through continuous refining of character,.., that scars tend to fade and the quality of charm in old age becomes real."
" Nothing is ever really lost to us,...,for out of our losses come unexpected rewards. In our failures, we are either made or broken, depending on our willingness to tap the deapths of our courage, or to endure and to survive."
There is no greater miracle,..., than seeing a seed or an idea which one has planted transformed into a growing, living, joy. In this way , we, ourselves, achieve our own immortality."..."one never plants a tree or a shrub or a fushia slip for one's self alone- it is an act of faith in the months or years to come, a part of the continuing flow of life."

Bruces bear getting a welcome to the family hug from "Ellie Bear" on the right and" Borzoi" on the left. 

I made Bruce a Medicine Spirit Bear this week

I have a new friend who lives in Florida. She and her family have a farm where they grow all sorts of wonderful things including some of the most deliciouc citrus fruit and also some pretty wonderful honey comes from their hives. I have grown to love this woman and her optimistic and free spirited nature full of humor and laughter. Her name is Ellen. I recently learned that her Husband Bruce has some form of cancer and underwent a surgical proceedure. Bruce is home from the hospital now and beginning his chemo treatments. I have known many others who have been in this situation. My method of dealing with this has been to go to my meditative space and create a bear with all the prayers in my heart stitched into the seams of the bears in the form of little cross stitches. I have made many of these little fellows for friends, family members and lots of complete strangers over the years since I made my first one for my dear friend Bonnies husband who had esophogeal cancer. Every time I think I have made my last bear I get a call to the meditation stitching room where another bear emerges. I quite often do not even know who the bear is for until some time later when the need is shown to me.
Well Ellen Dear heart and Bruce, this one is for you!

The Talking Stick I made during my training. This is My Talking Stick Tool. 

Seren calling the Crows. "Crow Song" 

Are you Listening and Hearing?

Today I am focused on Listening and Hearing. Marge Piercy said;" If you want to be listened to, you should put in time listening."
What does it mean to you? How do you listen? What are you doing while someone is talking to you? Do you allow others to complete their thought, or do you butt in and ,as it were, finish their thought for them? Do you cut people off mid- thought and interject your own idea or thought?
In the book "girlfriends" by Carmen Renee Berry and Tamara Traeder there is a chapter titled "Being heard." In it the authors share that in our most serious situations we can lighten the load when we have a truly good listener for a friend. One to whom we can tell all and know that our confidences will remain confident and also that we will be truley heard and thoughtfully responded to without the feeling that the friend has to solve our problem. By having a friend like this to bounce an idea off of you can clarify your mind and see it through the eyes of a separate person.
"Clarity and perspective are what we gain from our friends who hear us,really hear us, who take the time to stop other tasks and focus on what we are saying. How powerful that act is, and how powerfully even imagining a friend listening,... can affect us. High quality listening, even more so than high quality advice, can keep us grounded and help us listen to our own hearts, finding answers within ourselves."
Many years ago I spent several years studying with an Osage woman shaman. During that time I learned the art of listening and how to be in a conversation respectfully. She taught us all the lesson of the "Talking Stick." During lesson time we were not allowed to speak or argue or interject our own ideas, but had to simply sit quietly and listen. During some of these lesson stories one or more of us would be tested, sometimes to the maximum of our ability, so far, to keep quiet and wait till the end of the story to voice our thoughts. When the lesson story was finished we were given a chance to speak to the lesson but had to learn to wait our turn respectfull, giving our full attention to the one who had possesion of the "talking stick."
This was a piece of driftwood that had afixed to its top a beautiful crystal and was wrapped in coyote fur with beads and leather strips. After the person holding the stick was finished with her thoughts about the story and how it had affected her we all had to reflect on this response. Then if someone had a thought for the speaker that person would get the stick. If no one had a thought for the previous speaker then the next person in the circle would get a turn with the talking stick to speak to her thoughts and so on around the circle. Each person speaking was thoughtfully listened to and responded to and all confusion about the story was resolved. This exercise helped us all to learn just how disconnected we become while listening to another persons thoughts. How can we hope to be a good sounding board for our friend if we are mentally busy making grocery lists or worrying over our own trivia while they are talking?
Are you willing to allow a friend to pick up "the talking stick" and give her your full undivided attention?
Next time you are in a group gathering take some time to just listen to the surrounding conversations and listen for the good listeners.
Are you a good listener?

Great Serpent Mound 

eileens-song

"I realize suddenly that it is not a question of faith [or hope], but of will [and willingness]. We have collectively created the death cults. We can collectively create a culture of life. But to do so, we must be willing to step out of line, to forego the comfort of leaving decisions up to somebody else. To will is to make our own decisions, commit ourselves, our time, our work, our energy, to act in the service of life. To will is to reclaim our power, our power to reclaim the future." -- Starhawk, The Spiral Dance

Thought for today

"Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude."
---Martin Luther King, Jr.
eileens-song

Winter memories, Seren pink cheeked in the snow. 

On Planting Sweet Peas and Falling in Love

From Mabel Barbee Lees book "The Gardens in my Life"
In her chapter "The Quickening" Mable tells us about the first house in town that she and her new husband lived in. Finally it was time for planning and planting and falling in love!
"Howe dug a trough for sweet peas along the sunny wall of the house. He had learned from his father just how to do it. " Plant them deep," he explained, "and when they begin to push up, cover them over with fresh soil and force them to drive their roots down for more strength. Follow this routine two or three times until the sun is warmer and the danger of frost is past. The sprouts will be greener then and the tendrils tough enough to hold fast to the chicken wire which we'll have ready for them to climb on." What frustrations, I thought, for those determined sweet pea seeds!"

What an insite this woman has on loving.

Further in her chapter she tells us;
"I began to realise that gradually I had fallen in love with him. It wasn't the kind of thrilling romantic love that I had dreamed of as a college girl. It was a feeling of far greater depth with elements of respect, forebearance, kindness, and honesty; and above all humor. Howe had the gift not only of being able to laugh at himself but to highlight my own amusing and often ridiculous pretensions. He taught me to try to look at life through the "tinted crystalline of humor"-" it is a much more durable garment," some philosopher has said, " than romance- more capacious and affords greater freedom of movement."

In this age of quick fixes and social separation due to all the distraction of electronics in our lives it is hard for many to even conceive of an enduring and lasting kind of loving relationship. Most are in a big hurry to get it now! Feel the feelings now! Have the experience Now! How many do we know who are willing to dig the trough to plant the seeds of their relationship let alone continue to add soil to the plantings to build up the strength and staying power for a relationship that will last.
On Valentines Day this year my husband and I will be celebrating our 36th wedding aniversary. It is interresting how our relationship has evolved over the course of time. We met, married within 2 months and began our journey of learning to love one another. How simplistic my idea of married love was back then. How soon I learned to put more layers of nurturing and strengthening soil upon the roots of our relationship so that it would be an enduring one. How quietly our deepening understanding of one another, in the dark nurturing of that soil, grew, it was barely discernable until one day the dawning! The adventure has been fraught with all the challenges that this life can throw our way and yet in the challenges there is always that decision to just throw more soil upon the roots and see if we can get deeper roots to form and we have always been rewarded for the effort. Truely loving and being truely loved in return has been our reward.

The Quickening, Mable Barbee Lee 

From the Gardens in my life.

"Sometimes we would catch the sunset weaving brilliant colors among the clouds...On late Spring Sundays, when Howe was free,....fixed a picnic lunch... and we hiked several miles to a green valley hidden away in the lower folds of Beaver Park. Howe would fish for a while in some mirrored pool while I gathered bluebells, pink honeysuckles, and cowslips to brighten my desk at high school the next day. But most of the time we just talked and lazed in the cool grass under quaking aspens.... It seemed to me that our relationship was too casual and unexciting to endure a lifetime. And yet, in a baffling kind of way, I was drawn to him!"
I just love this portion of her story. It reminds me so much of the courtship I had with my husband of 36 years. It only took us 2 months to make the plunge and get married but as baffling as our relationship is to people on the outside looking in, it works.

Mable Barbee Lee sketch 

Thoughts on Gardening

I recently purchased a discarded book through friends of the library. Its' title "THE GARDENS IN MY LIFE" by Mabel Barbee Lee. It was published in 1970 and I have enjoyed reading this memoir. In the preface she tells of how she came to writing these memoirs and part of what she decided to include. In her words she said, " I would write of the healing power that lies in tilling the soil and planting seeds, and bear witness to the way heartbreaking problems may be dissolved in the gentle spray of water on the parched land. I would tell of how the human spirit may be calmed in times of stress by the fragrance of garden flowers on a summer evening, or by noting new dahlia buds about to burst into bloom as one strolls along the path in the dewy morning."
I would recommend reading this book to anyone interested in the spiritual things in a garden. It is full of lovely pencil sketches from her life.

A view from atop mount Walker. 

Summer memories to treasure,Seren at little sand bay. 

Thoughts are Treasures

All thoughts are within the mind,
and it is here,
within the mind,
where you make the choice
to treasure
or dismiss
the thoughts you think.
Listen to your thoughts
and the meaning you believe they have,
and then remember
what you have decided you want.
Each thought either supports your purpose
or draws you away from it.
Choose your treasure wisely.

Thought for the Day

eileens-song
"Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive."
-- The Dalai Lama